The First 6 Weeks

As I type this, I am semi-holding my breath, waiting for the little princess to fully wake up.  Of course, I've been semi-holding for the last 45 minutes, while she wriggles and wiggles and grunts and groans and overall prevents me from going to sleep - because the second I do, I know she'll be awake and ready for her next meal.  Her precious little face when she's hungry - it reminds me of a baby bird, with her big eyes looking up at me and her mouth open and ready for milk.  And when she gets frantically starving: the shaking of her head side to side with her mouth open, and the way her near-panicked, rhythmic cry settles into a deep sigh as she latches on...nothing more adorable.

And it is a good and very lucky thing that she is adorable, because how can you throw something that cute across the room, or in the trash can, or leave it in the closet for a few minutes/ hours/ days?  I don't know what it is about a baby's cry that can so profoundly impact its mother (and no one else), but whatever it is, is is fully functional in my baby girl.

Emerson Elizabeth is the name we finally agreed upon.  Yes, that means her initials are EEK! but we've decided that we're going to teach her from a young age that whenever someone asks her what her middle name is, she's going to answer, "Elizabeth - my initials spell EEK!" and then giggle so that no other kids can make fun of her for it.  Kids will make fun of you for anything.  But I absolutely LOVE the name Emerson and I think she will just have to deal with adversity from a young age.

The last 6 weeks have been a blur, shockingly.  On the one hand, they've gone by SO FAST.  Then, when I think about all that my little one has experienced in her short life, it seems like so much.  It really seems like eons ago that I had to bring her in when she was 3 days old for a weight check, when Mom and Dad went to Target to buy me a breast shield because I absolutely could not STAND to have her nurse due to the bleeding and cracking she had induced, when I went back to the lactation consultant and pediatrics clinic (twice more!) for problems with weight gain, when she had her "Welcome to the World" party at age 3 weeks, when Sarah and Jeff came to visit, when GiGi, Meg, Jeff, Gwen, and Mike came to visit, when Hailey came over to take pictures (3 times!), when she had her first spa experience...  So much has happened over the last 42+ days.

Like I said, on the one hand I feel like she's been a part of my life for a long time, and then I'll look at her and remember that she is teeny-tiny and only 6 weeks old!  I'll get frustrated that she doesn't sleep through the night and she wants to be held and nursed all the time, and then I'll remember that for 9 months she was cuddled up inside me and just wants to be near me so she can feel warm and secure again.  I am ridiculously sleep deprived and already sick of changing diapers, and I really am loving (almost) every minute.

My breath-holding seems to have worked, because the grunting and squeaking and sighing have tapered off.   Time for me to get some rest.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  =)

Birth Story!

Well, Little Number Three has made her arrival - about 12 days ago, in fact, but I haven't had a chance to write since then (shocking, I know).

I wanted to make sure I chronicled her birth story before the details got too blurry in my mind.

The week before her arrival, I started having stronger contractions and they were more frequent and more uncomfortable.  I saw my OB (and good friend) Philip, who told me I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, but that the baby was WAY low.  He also told me I would probably be feeling a lot of pelvic pressure - well, that was certainly the case.  I was peeing every hour and having a hard time even walking due to the pressure.  After a week or so of contractions and worsening pressure, I went in to be checked again, only to be told that I was STILL 2cm and now maybe 80-90% effaced, and that the baby was still low.  His words to me that day, "You're definitely going to have this baby soon!"  I decided then that I could definitely be an OB.  Obviously I was going to have the baby soon; I was 10 days from my due date.

Anyway, all that week I slept terribly and was grouchy.  I was sick of contracting (with the contractions not even doing anything, labor-wise), sick of feeling huge, and just sick of being pregnant altogether.  I tried not to feel that way.  I tried to really enjoy every moment of those last days, because like I've said, this was probably my last pregnancy and why rush it?  But the constant discomfort was getting to me.

On Friday morning, January 18th, I woke up at my pretty typical time of about 6:15am (such is the life with 2 early bird kids).  I had slept amazingly well the night before and woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed.  Of course, I made my way to the bathroom and then climbed back into bed.  Over the preceding few days, every time I got back into bed it caused a contraction.  True to form, it happened again, but this time, the contraction was...a CONTRACTION!!  I instantly knew it was different and grabbed Scott's hand, waking him up.  I told him to start his stopwatch just so I could see how often they were happening.  Lo and behold, the next one came about 4 minutes later.  And after that, WOW, did they come on quick.  And strong.  I headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, and Scott started getting dressed.  Dad was already up and I told him, "We're going to have a baby today!"  I had only had a few contractions at that point but I knew!  I spent the next hour and a half getting ready, eating breakfast (aren't I a good patient?), and pausing every 3-4 minutes to lean over and have someone rub my lower back.  As they were getting substantially stronger and more frequent, we headed to the hospital around 8am.  I have to say, this car ride was way better than the one when I was in labor with Sam.  I had done a little bit of mental preparation this time with how I wanted to work through the contractions (until I got my epidural, of course).  My big focus was to relax my face.  That really helped.  I also promised myself I wouldn't swear and I would try to be as un-dramatic as possible.

On the way to the hospital, Scott called Terri, our neighbor and CRNA extraordinaire, to see if she would be available to start my epidural when I got to the hospital.  She was in a case but said she would be free around 9am.  When we got to the hospital, there was no parking so we parked illegally.  I was definitely uncomfortable at this point, but I wanted to take one last pregnant picture outside the hospital.  While I was waiting for a contraction to pass so we could take the picture, Scott's squadron commander walked by and Scott told him we were there to have the baby.  His response: "Really?  But the hospital is on divert!" (ie, closed to new patients due to being full).  Of course, we took our picture and went right in.

When we got to the triage desk of L&D, Scott announced that I was in labor.  The nurses looked a little panicked, confirmed that the hospital was on divert, and then quickly found me a room.  I love those nurses.  Philip (my OB) came up a few minutes later, found that I was at 5cm, and confirmed that I wanted to VBAC.  He told me, "We'll have this baby born before noon!"  He was stuck in another case at the time so said he would be back to check me.  In the meantime, they started my IV, took some labs, and prepped me for the epidural.  The whole time, my contractions continued and Scott rubbed my back through each one.  It was definitely not comfortable, but I can say with complete honesty that I loved the labor experience.  I focused on keeping my face relaxed and staying calm.  It really really worked and made each contraction tolerable.  I still wanted my epidural though!

As soon as my labs came back normal, Terri put in my epidural.  THAT isn't fun either, but once it kicked in, I had the same reaction that I had with Sam - basically, I thought, "Well, that was a waste - as soon as the epidural went in, the contractions stopped!"  Unlike with Sam though, they came back this time.  Not as strong but I definitely still felt them.  They checked me and I was 7cm!  Wahoo!  Then my OB came back and offered to break my water - I was ready for the baby now so I said sure.  No point in prolonging things now that I had experienced labor the way I had wanted to.  Shortly after that (I can't remember how long - 5 minutes or 30), the pain got way worse, and was in my back.  They said that was "transition" but I didn't care what it was - it HURT.  I tried to move onto my side, which was no small feat given that my legs were numb.  As soon as I did, I felt better, but then before I knew it, everyone was trying to get me to move to my other side (apparently the baby had some concerning heart rates when I was on my side, but no one told me what was going on so I was confused and aggravated).  They put me on oxygen and I guess that helped.  Somewhere around this time, the nurse checked me again and pronounced me "10cm and complete," and they called for Philip so I could start pushing!

He got there pretty quick and I remember asking if there was room for me in the OR if necessary.  He assured me there was.  I don't even know why I asked that.  I started pushing and I immediately felt so frustrated.  I couldn't feel myself pushing at all, I just felt like I was tensing my abdominal muscles and making no progress.  Everyone said I was pushing, though, so I must have been.  Apparently the baby started crowning and someone asked, "Do you want to touch the hair?"  I did NOT.  I wanted to be DONE.  And, a few minutes later, just like that, I was.  Done.  I have a vague recollection of him telling me he needed to cut an episiotomy and cloudy memories of everybody saying, "PUSH!!" and counting to 10, but the thing I remember most clearly is looking down and seeing my beautiful baby girl and getting teary-eyed - there is just something so unbelievably miraculous about that moment.

She was born at 11:33am, before noon, just like my OB had predicted.  The next few minutes were a blur - they cleaned her up while I got cleaned up and finally I got to hold my precious angel.  She was so stinking cute!  She nursed right away and curled up in my arms and fell asleep.

Scott and I just kept saying how smoothly everything had gone from start to finish - a great night's sleep the night before, a couple of hours of real-deal contractions, a stellar epidural by my favorite CRNA, 10 minutes of pushing, an uncomplicated delivery by my OB, and a perfect, healthy baby less than 5 hours after it all started.  The recovery has been better than I expected too.  Overall I couldn't have asked for a better d-day. =)

Full Term!!!

Actually 37+3 today, so 3 days into full-term!  Honestly did not think I'd make it this far, and now I'm wondering if we'll have to actually evict this baby...

Last night I unpacked my first "new" baby thing - a changing table pad.  It sounds silly, but we have so much stuff still from Sam and Abi that I haven't really had to buy anything new.  Our old changing pad, however, is either lost or destroyed (or both), so I ordered a new one and opened it up last night.  I put on a soft off-white cover and got so excited!  Don't ask why.  Pregnancy hormones make weird things exciting and extra-emotional.  Now I want to go buy a bunch more stuff so I can keep getting more and more excited.  It just all of a sudden seemed very real.  Cannot wait to meet this "bebe" - as the kids keep calling it!

We had a great time at Disney last week - our last vacation as a family of four, and our last actual relaxing vacation for a while, I suspect.  The kids had a blast and we all slept way more than I expected - with average wake-up times in the 8:30-9:30am range!  I waddled around the parks while Scott took Sam and Abi on some fun rides.  I did manage to get myself into the People Mover (in Tomorrowland), which is actually pretty fun (if your idea of fun involves slow speed, quiet attractions).  The ride takes you through Space Mountain, which was Abi's only way to experience it (as she's still a few inches too short), so I got to watch her get excited.  We did LegoLand and SeaWorld too, and by the end of the trip, I was definitely exhausted.  Mainly my back hurt from being on my feet so much, but overall I handled it way better than I expected.  Didn't really tell my OB I was going - not sure he would have been so excited about that idea.

Anyway, I'm home now and the clock is ticking.  Been reading about ways to handle labor (besides the obvious epidural) and wondering just when this is going to happen.  It occurred to me today that this little one is just getting bigger and bigger, which is starting to make my dreams of a VBAC much less attractive.  Oh well, we'll see.  I'm happy to just roll with it. =)

35 + 2

130 lbs - no matter what I do I just keep gaining weight...!

I am officially more pregnant with Little Number Three than I ever was with Abi - huge milestone!!!  In fact, when I saw my high-risk OB last week (at 33+6 weeks), he told me that after 34 weeks they would not perform tocolysis (ie, wouldn't stop labor if it happened) and the baby had a 100% chance of survival.  I immediately felt more relaxed at that point and stopped stressing - although I am not really ready for the baby to come just yet, at least I know that he/ she will be healthy and okay if we have an early arrival.  I was officially discharged from the high-risk clinic that day, but I think I still would deliver at Sacred Heart (instead of Eglin) if the baby were born before 36 weeks, because Eglin doesn't have any kind of NICU care.

Here I am now:

Yes, it's a public restroom.  We don't have any full-length mirrors in our house, and I get self-conscious asking anyone else to take a picture.  Lest you think I went in there specifically to take pregnancy pictures, let me tell you that I was waiting on Sam - his feet are just out of the frame of the picture in the stall to the far right. =)

The daily contractions continue but not as strong or frequent as before.  I have also had 3 separate episodes of STRONG contractions (2 today, in fact), that very much remind me of going into labor with Sam.  I hope I'm imagining them, or that they are just Braxton-Hicks.  Although I know the baby would be fine if born today, I have too much to do before Christmas to go into labor!

Fingers (and legs) crossed for 4+ more weeks!

A little smile after yesterday's post - taken today, at 31+2 weeks:

31+1 weeks, 127 lbs (fluctuating, based on this stomach bug that's going around), and baby's still cooking!

And that is the only exclamation point that this post gets.  Skip the next two paragraphs if you don't feel like reading about me complain.  I am getting frustrated with this pregnancy.  The contractions are continuing, and they are painful.  I've had to take several more doses of the Procardia medication to stop them, and it only works for a few hours.  My back hurts from sitting/ lying around, and I am going stir crazy.  I am also starting to panic because I am NOT READY FOR THIS BABY TO COME OUT.  I don't have a name, a crib, diapers, or any of the other 340,852 things that are helpful to have when a newborn is around.  Not to mention Christmas shopping, which can't be done because within a few minutes of walking, I start contracting again.  I would throw in a complaint about how there's no room in my chest to breathe, or how uncomfortable it is to have a foot in my ribcage no matter what position I lie in, but truthfully, I prefer those discomforts to the contractions, and I would really actually LIKE it if those discomforts continued, because it would mean the baby is growing inside me and not coming out.  I really, really, really hope this little one stays in at least until after Christmas, and it would be so, so, SO nice if the contractions would stop too.

I'm sure the contractions are at least partially related to a good deal of emotional stress that's been going on, and it would be nice if that would go away too.  If I could quit my job, I would, in a heartbeat, because the satisfaction I get from going to work at this point is far outweighed by the day-to-day annoyances and aggravation that come with just walking in the door of the hospital.  Then I could focus on spending what limited time I have left with my two perfect kiddos - before the third one throws our daily rhythm into complete chaos (good chaos, I know, but chaos nonetheless).

On the plus side, and speaking of that, Sam and Abi have been wonderful.  They are absolutely doting and sweet and gentle, and have taken to cuddling up next to me kind of curled around my big belly somehow.  Unfortunately, they have also come down with the stomach bug, so the three of us have been pretty pathetic over the last couple of days, resting on the couch and going to bed early.  On that note, it's 9:30pm and my freshly-washed sheets are calling...

Hopefully more positive thoughts next time.

November 15th - 30 weeks tomorrow!!!

It's been harder to keep up with this pregnancy blog thing than I thought...

I had my last plane ride of pregnancy a couple of weeks ago, when I went to DC one last time for a conference (before "hunkering down in the birthing stall," as one of my friends so delicately put it).  Thankfully it was an uneventful trip and I came back on the 4th of November.  The next day, I started feeling some cramping, which got worse just about every time I stood up.  Three days later, it was to the point where I was grimacing every few minutes and leaning way forward in my chair to relieve the discomfort.  I couldn't remember if this was normal "Braxton Hicks" contractions or what, so I asked another girl in my department who is almost exactly as pregnant as me.  As I leaned against the wall in the clinic hallway, focusing on slowly inhaling and exhaling, she told me that she hadn't had any cramping whatsoever.  I decided then that maybe what I was experiencing wasn't completely expected, and so I went to my OB.

From there, he walked me to L&D immediately, commenting along the way that I didn't look very comfortable.  They got me checked in to one of the triage rooms and hooked me up to the baby heart rate monitor and the toco (contraction) monitor.  At first, nothing was registering on the toco monitor, even when I felt certain I was having a contraction.  Then, once the toco monitor was readjusted, the contractions started showing up.  They were beautiful, perfect, rhythmic contractions every 2-3 minutes - exactly what you'd like to see if you were in labor.  Except that I wasn't supposed to be in labor, as I wasn't even 29 weeks.  My OB came in right around then with slightly wide eyes and told me he wanted to give me a medication to stop the contractions.  At that point, they were actually starting to feel very uncomfortable, and I was starting to get more than a little nervous, so of course I agreed.  The medication slowed the contractions within 20-30 minutes, and I was discharged home with plenty of extra to take if they started back up.

Over the next few days, I tried to take it easy, and I really noticed things were better if I sat down and elevated my legs.  On my first day back at work (after a wonderful 3 day weekend), the contractions started right back up.  I took the medication and it calmed things down for about an hour, but then it started back up again.  I called my OB who, of course, sent me right back to L&D.  All the tests showed I was not in labor, but the contractions were real.  They gave me whopping doses of the same medication again, and it again pretty much stopped the contractions.  The problem is that it also lowered my blood pressure and gave me a splitting headache.  Eventually they sent me home, knowing that I had a follow-up appointment with my "high-risk" OB (Maternal Fetal Medicine or MFM specialist) today.

After hearing the events of the last week, the MFM took one look at the toco reading and told me he recommended bedrest.  Acknowledging that I am a physician and that immediately stopping work would be a challenge, he agreed to a compromise, of reduced work hours with a transition to bedrest if things got worse.  From talking with my regular OB, I had been prepared for this, and have already been working with my colleague and commander to start reduced work hours.  I can't say I'm too miserable about that, actually.  The contractions are getting pretty uncomfortable and who wouldn't like some extra time off?  If it weren't for the prospect of the baby actually showing up TEN WEEKS EARLY, I'd be thrilled.  Fingers crossed that the stress associated with working full-time is fully responsible for this turn of events, and that cutting down my hours will keep this little one in for the next 2.5 months. =)

Hopefully no more exciting updates anytime soon!